so what now?

I have now finished my kaospilot cycle… handed in the report, passed the final exam, survived my tiredness and my body simply not responding as it used to, the morning sickness and throwing up from time to time and the difficulties of transporting my ever growing belly… It was not exactly the project I am most proud of in my life, I am still asking myself… what the hell was the project about? hehe, but that is not too relevant now… now the stress is over, now is time for reflection and learning, for inspiration, for thinking about the future and for giving birth to the sea horse.

We lost the pregnancy journal thing… the paper where the doctors and midwifes write how my pregnancy has developed and the results of the exams and all that stuff… we can’t find them… have looked all over here at home, and it is nowhere to be found… smart! We can’t find a name for the baby either… so it seems there are many things we can’t find these days…

Rowan came up with some theory that says that children are souls that choose their parents they want to be born of. Dear son or daughter… WHAT WERE YOU THINKING OF?

It is a very strange feeling now, a feeling of emptiness and uncertainty… well, I suppose the feeling is not strange, maybe it is a very familiar feeling, it is certainly not the first time in my life when I complete some kind of cycle and look outside the window and ask myself WHAT NOW? What is it I am going to do now? will we stay in Denmark? Am I going to do the masters in Copenhaguen at CIID? There is this job possibility in Preston England, will I take the job if the offer it to me? What do I need to do to go to Colombia for some time? What is the best place for the seahorse to grow up? what is it I want to do? what do I want to learn more of? what would be the job of my dreams? what is the project of my dreams? who do I want to work with?

Staying in Denmark seems a bit complicated and it gives me the “repeluz” with all the visa madness and immigration rules… Rowan needs to be a normal person and have money and a 9 to 5 job to apply for my residency, and I need to have a proper job to do it myslef… and even then it is something between 3 and 7 years before I can get the residency permit… But I suppose it would be very similar anyway we go. As soon as we start researching we would find out that it is not as simple as we thought and that every place has its complications… so what are the most interesting complications I want to go through?

Bees are dying in Europe I heard in the radio this morning. There are 3 big bees in my window here, trying to get out… the window can’t be open, so it is not exactly the right place to get out, but they keep banging their heads against the glass again and again, bzzzzz plunk…. bzzzzzzzz plunk….. bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz plunk…..bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz plunk!

Maybe someone, or even the bees, when looking at me would say something similar. Why don’t you just fly to the door next to the window which is actually open and you can then fly outside of this room.

So where is the door? am I banging my head on a glass?

Filed under chachara, kaospilot |